Poison

I'm just trying to keep poison (venom, what have you) out of my body, ok?

My house has been host to an increasing number of scary-bitey (my technical term) spiders lately. The name of one of them translates from Chichewa as "the chief runs away" - as in the mighty chief is so scared of this spider he takes off when he sees it! I've now had three in my kitchen over the past two months, they're incredibly fast, big and creepy-looking. The bite isn't deadly but really painful. Now another breed of scary-bitey spider has moved in and setting up shop with its offspring in the box where I keep my toiletries (and into which I routinely stick my hand without looking). However, I think I've remained pretty perky despite feeling on guard in my home (which can get tiring). As far as the spiders go, I figure if I can prevent being bit in the eye, I should be ok.

But then things took a turn over the Thanksgiving weekend on the venom front. In my absence (thank God!), my guard killed a Black Mamba! Just in front of my front door! He said to me "Ah, it was a big one" - turns out it was ONE METER in length! It's well-known how terrified I am of Malawi's many poisonous snakes. I always felt that living in cities had allowed me to cleverly avoid them. Never had a snake in Mitundu, over the course of my year there. And now, with no clear entry point into my brick-fenced yard, against all the odds one of the world's most deadly snakes paid me a call.

(You may remember that Black Mamba was Uma's assassin name in Kill Bill.)

If a Black Mamba bites you above your heart, it'll only take 15 minutes for the neurotoxins to kill you. I've also recently found out that most hospitals don't stock anti-venom (for any of the multitude of snakes here!) b/c it's too expensive. So a medical friend of mine admitted that most serious-snake-bite victims who come to the hospital die, unless they were lucky enough to get a "dry" bite. And now you know why I almost threw up on Sunday when Joseph told me about the snake at my door. Enjoy this from the black mamba entry in Wikipedia:

"When warding off a bigger threat or feeling very threatened, the black mamba usually delivers multiple strikes, injecting its potent neuro- and cardiotoxin with each strike, often attacking the body or head, unlike most other snakes. It can strike up to 12 times in a row. A single bite from a black mamba can inject enough venom to kill up to 10 grown men, easily killing one unless the appropriate anti-venin is administered in time. When cornered, it will readily attack. When in the striking position, the mamba flattens its neck, hisses very loudly and displays its inky black mouth and fangs. It can rear up around one-third of its body from the ground, which allows it to reach heights of approximately four feet."

The exciting news is that there is some special kind of grass, the smell of which repels snakes. I'm going to have all of the grass in my yard dug up and replaced with the smelly grass. I don't care if my yard smells like rotting meat or armpits (or both) as long as this grass works!

Again, just want to keep the poison out of the body! Is that too much to ask?